Ready to pull back the curtain on your life? Write a memoir. I have edited my fair share of memoirs, and I’ve always respected an author who has written about a painful or memorable part of their life. Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction, after all—and when reading memoirs, you’ll find that the limits of the human body and mind are incredible.
In a memoir, an author promises the reader that he or she will be forthright and honest in the events of their life. It’s all truth here.
But life is not always pretty and happy—and sometimes we can cross paths with others who are damaging or hurtful to our lives. And later, when time has passed, scars have healed, and an author is writing her story, she might wonder: “Can I use peoples’ real names in my memoir?” Let’s talk 3 important rules for using real names in memoirs.
1. Use the real names of people you’ve gotten permission from.
Some people in our life help us, and they are portrayed as “good” characters on the page. But others might be harmful or hurtful, and they are portrayed in a negative light in the memoir. Most people won’t complain if you’ve written glowing things about them in your memoir. (Hey, I wouldn’t mind if someone wrote wonderful things about me!) It’s the characters that act badly—those who have hurt the author (and story’s protagonist) in some way. In memoirs, this can be an abusive ex-boyfriend, a controlling mother-in-law, an incestuous uncle.
Even though these might be “bad” people according to the author, there are ethical and legal issues that arise when writing and publishing negative things about someone. It’s true that under the First Amendment, authors can write whatever they want—they are entitled to their opinion. But some people might see themselves in a memoir and try to sue on defamation or invasion of privacy grounds. This is rare, but…yikes.
If you’d really like to use real peoples’ names, it’s imperative to get their written permission just in case. The rule of thumb is that if you don’t have their permission to write about them (whether good or bad), just don’t do it. It’s just a precautionary measure. If you can’t or don’t want to get written permission to use their name in your memoir, let’s move on to rule #2…
2. Don’t use the real names of people you speak negatively about.
You can use the real names of those who have given you written permission to do so. But when getting written permission isn’t something you can or want to do, it might be easier to change the names of the characters in your memoir.
That’s it. Simple. Changing their name, description, and the city they live in is a quick, easy method to avoid issues with possible defamation and invasion of privacy complaints. While they might still recognize themselves, you’ve protected yourself legally. And that’s all that matters.
3. If possible, always write a memoir under your real name.
Memoirs are true stories. The point of a memoir is for the author to tell their story—being honest, truthful, and forthright. While opening up to tell a painful story can be hard and sometimes embarrassing for the author, that’s the covenant the memoirist has taken when deciding to write a memoir: to be honest in telling their story.
Using a pseudonym when writing a memoir takes a step back from that honest, raw openness present in a memoir. It takes away from the intimate relationship between a memoir author and his or her audience. In short, publishing a memoir under a pseudonym cheapens the honesty and credibility of the memoir.
Memoirs are hard to write. The process of writing of a painful or important part of someone’s life is difficult enough, but then publishing your work and having people read it—especially friends and family, who might find themselves on the page—is a nerve-wracking experience.
“What if my sister recognizes herself in my memoir?”
It’s a relevant question—and a hard one to answer. Even if you change the names of the “characters” in your memoir, they might still recognize themselves in your memoir. It’s difficult to imagine how they might react—but you must remember to stay faithful to your own life’s experiences. People you write about might not ever speak to you again, but as long as you have gotten written permission from them or have changed their names and details, you’ll be okay.
Be brave!
Book editor Kristen Hamilton is the owner and sole employee of Kristen Corrects, Inc., where she provides manuscript editing services for traditionally and self-publishing authors. Several authors whose books she has edited have won awards and have topped Amazon’s best sellers lists.
Reading is Kristen’s passion, so when the workday is over, she can usually be found curled up with a good book alongside her four cats. She loves watching cat videos and scary movies, eating pizza, teaching herself French, and traveling, and she is likely planning her next vacation. She lives outside of Boise, ID.
Brilliant – thank you for your help in this matter xx
I’m writing a memoir that I only plan to release to immediate family; i.e., siblings, my children, and their children. Included in my introduction is a statement that the memoir is NEVER to be distributed to others or published to the general public. The memoir is not negative to anyone. Even though my readers will not know some of the people I write about, I have found changing real names to pseudonyms kind of makes my stories unbelievable/unreal to ME, but I guess I can do it if I have to. Your thoughts.
I can see how changing real names to a pseudonym can make the story feel less real to you, Lawrence. If you have such a small audience (immediate family, and never to be distributed beyond that), and especially since you don’t speak disparagingly about the people in your book, I wouldn’t worry about having to change their names (which is typically a step to protect yourself from litigation). Alternatively, you could get written permission from the people you write about in your book if being sued is a concern of yours. It sounds like you’ll be okay without this step, but there are options to protect yourself just in case.
Hello Kristen.
Thank you so much for this. I am two chapters away from finishing my book and I have wondered about these things; the names and how to properly input the dialogues into the story telling, the two languages spoken, etc . I wish I could get some guidance
Hi Agnes, check out my other blog “5 Essential Rules of Writing Powerful Dialogue” for guidance on dialogue. With different languages, non-English words and phrases are typically italicized. It sounds like some high-level feedback in the form of a manuscript critique might be a good fit for you. Feel free to email me at kristen@kristencorrects.com for specific questions.
But part of the reason for writing a memoir is to finally hold perpetuators accountable. Narcissists who have severely hurt others. If I cannot name names what’s the use??
No, memoirs aren’t designed to hold perpetrators accountable for their actions–the point of a memoir is to tell the author’s story. It’s a subtle but important difference. And unfortunately, unless you have public proof (such as court documents), anything you say against someone else can be grounds for libel and defamation. In other words: If you don’t have proof that what you’re saying about the perpetrator is true, they could come and sue you for libel.
So, that’s why it’s important to protect yourself by changing the names and physical characteristics. It’s not fair, but that’s how the law currently works. You can still tell your story as it happened to you–you just can’t use their real names in your book, unless you have public proof.
Please confirm as mentioned above unless proof name on a death investigation regarding my memoir may I proceed? Is it legal to enclosed the police records and photos I paid for police open records, can they get inserted to my book?
Hi Alicia! I’d advise against using police records and photos in your memoir, even if you paid for them. Incorporating police records and photos obtained through open records requests into your memoir presents legal and ethical considerations. Police records often contain sensitive personal information, and their inclusion without consent may raise privacy concerns and potential violations of privacy laws. Additionally, sharing such records could pose defamation risks, particularly if the information damages someone’s reputation.
While police records are generally public, using them for commercial purposes, such as publishing a memoir, may be subject to legal restrictions. I’d suggest consulting with a legal professional, particularly one familiar with media law and privacy issues, who can provide tailored guidance based on your jurisdiction and the content involved.
Hey … what if they were using social media. Then they have used their names and mine freely.
Hi. Can I write about my experience that drunk driver hit my car and how it impacts my life after that. It really affects my mental health. I don’t plan to use the drunk driver’s name. Just use drunk driver. Will it be ok? I want to educate people about drunk driving.
Yes, of course! Just use “drunk driver” and that will be fine.
Can you shorten their name like if their name is Greyson can you shorten it to Grey? Also can you change the spelling like if their real name is Kate can you change it to Cate, or like for Greyson can you do Grayson?
Nope, the name should be totally different.
I’m also writing a memoir and my question to you is. It’s pertaining to a money crime, I have copies of promissory notes and canceled checks in this situation. I was gonna take photo copies and place in book but I was gonna mask out the other persons name and account number on checks. So you advise against that……
Including photocopies of promissory notes and canceled checks in your memoir can add authenticity to your story, but it also raises significant legal and ethical considerations. Ideally, you should have the consent of the other parties involved before including any such documents, even if anonymized. Using real documents, even with redactions, could expose you to legal liability if it is deemed that you violated privacy or confidentiality agreements.
Please I’m writing a book about my mother and how she was treated by her relatives and I want to go from where she was born and where she gets married but my sister doesn’t want me to use names at all and to leave out the fact where she was mistreated and rapped by her relatives she says that it will hurt the family because they don’t know what and all happened to our mother I’ am putting the little girl instead of using her name and I’m using woman for the mothers name what should I do ? I have never wrote a book before please can you please give me some advice? Kansas Carroll
Hey Kansas! Since it doesn’t sound like this is part of public information (i.e., a court trial found the family members guilty of sexual assault), you’d have to use different names and characteristics for the family members. Using “the little girl” and “the woman” would work.
Hello. I plan to start my memoir this year. What are your thoughts on using the real name of an abusive ex-husband if he has been convicted of a violent crime against me? Obviously I will be writing about situations that were not directly involved with that crime, past incidents including infidelity, stealing from us, emotional and verbal abuse?
Although I wholeheartedly support you telling the truth of your story, it would be best not to include his real name. Even though he’s been convicted of the crime against you, the accusations of emotional infidelity and abuse could leave you legally vulnerable.
If I were to use a different name for a person, but the descriptors made it clear who I was referring to, does that still leave me potentially vulnerable legally? I’m sure the general public wouldn’t know, but if a person did some digging they could probably figure out who I was referring to…
I’d suggest changing their physical descriptors along with their name.
I am writing my love store e our with a partner from 25 years ago. After 4 months of finding each other again, he died of Covid. I can not get his permission to use his name, should I keep it to honour him and us or change his name.
Since you’re only saying good things about him, you’d probably be okay using his real name. Still, before publishing, as a courtesy I’d suggest allowing his family to read the manuscript and make sure they’re okay with what you wrote about his memory.
I’m going to try to write a book about my life and I was wondering if I have to get permission from all my siblings in order to write about my parents and my sister,,or if I have to use fake names,,most of my siblings don’t get along anymore and I really only talk to a few of them now,, my parents had 8 kids and they are both deceased and then one of my sister’s passed away shortly after my mom passed leaving her two small children that my other sister has legal custody of now and she went through all the steps to get custody and neither of the fathers responded to the add she put in the paper and she had to do it twice,, so I was wondering if I need permission to use my parents real names and my sister who passed away real name and her children’s real names.. I’m sorry if this is confusing,, I’m just getting started with this and I’ve wanted to do it my whole life but I just never really was motivated like I am now.. Thank you for your time and patience..
You do not legally need to get permission from your siblings to write about your parents, as long as the information you include in the book is true and not defamatory. However, it may be a good idea to inform them of your plans and consider their feelings about the book. If you include information that they find sensitive or potentially damaging to the family, they may feel hurt or upset.
It’s also important to keep in mind that if you intend to publish the book, you may want to consider obtaining legal advice to ensure that you do not infringe on anyone’s rights or disclose any confidential information.
Hello Kristen and good day to you and or evening depending when my inquiry reaches you. My question is, in my memoir I have several big entertainers and the antagonist in my writings is one of them that I mention. Obviously I will not “Name, names” however is it ok so give slight hints describing each as I continue writing? For example if there is an instance I’m speaking on a big rapper names MC Trash Can, and some encouragement given to me by that rapper, could I simply change that to MC Dumpster to protect myself from a legal standpoint? I so look forward to your reply and I wish nothing but great and continued success to you. Thank you in advance for your time.
I would advise against using factual characteristics or other “hints” to describe the character, or anything similar to their name. This is especially true for writing negatively about anybody. In the example you gave, MC Trash Can and MC Dumpster are too similar because of using similar characteristics (trash can, dumpster) and especially the same initials (MC).
What about just using real first names?
I would discourage using real first names. Even if you don’t use last names, with a little digging, steadfast readers would be able to figure out the first and last name of the person you talk about in your book.
The only circumstance in which I would say using a real first name is okay is if you publish your book under an author pseudonym.
I want to write real names & read organizations in a county known to be run like a dictatorship. It needs to stop! Can I wait to have it published until after my death – in about ten years.
Yes, you can absolutely set something up to have your book published after your death. Using the real names of people and organizations is a different matter, however. Even though you won’t be able to be sued (you’ll be dead!), the legal issues might pass on to your heirs. I’d suggest speaking with an intellectual property (IP) attorney.
Good morning. I’m writing a tell a book about my son father who is now 48 years old.The father 75 years old never paid child support
he has two grown famous children in the entertainment industry. Can I use his name since I have the DNA test about how he treated our son. What about his mother, I had uncountable conversation with her about how he treated his own parents. What about his wife. Conversation she had with me and the words she called my son. My son concede before he married. His nephew took the DNA test for our son. The nephew also wrote a note that’s we had notarized.
Hus note stated everything he’s saying about his uncle is true. What should I do.
Hello Lynetta! I’d avoid using the celebrities’ names whatsoever, because that could be misconstrued as defamation, regardless of wheteher you have the DNA test to prove it. As far as all the other details with his wife, his mother, and so on – a lot of that stuff is hearsay, so that wouldn’t stand up in court. And as far as the notarized note – although the note is notarized, there’s no way to determine, externally, if what’s in the note is accurate – which also wouldn’t stand up in court. I’d suggest speaking with an intellectual property and/or defamation lawyer, or steer clear and avoid using real names.
I’m hoping to get reply since I am on late my email is enclosed. My memoir pertaining to death investigation regarding my father I have inserted police records and photos which have real names open records, unsure if it’s legal to enclosed the police records but makes better since of my life experience in this trauma stricken event, I can’t afford to get sued and I hear even in Wisconsin serve jail for privacy and defamation I lived the experience and I am witness to the staged scene. I was numb and perception was off. I gathered my evidence into the memoir in hope a ready will assist with reopening the death investigation. Please confirm receipt please please.
It sounds like a tough situation, Alicia, and I’m sorry to hear about it. If you’re looking to create a journalistic view of your family members’ deaths, this would fall under nonfiction or investigative journalism, not memoir. That would fall under different rules as far as the structure and layout of the book.
On the other hand, if you’re looking to create a memoir, I’d focus solely on your experience. Still, you’d have to be careful with changing names and characteristics to avoid defamation and libel. In any case, I’d suggest speaking with a lawyer about this – there’s a lot at play here, and a lawyer would know all the rules of your specific jurisdiction, and what you can and cannot publish.
I’m super confused nonfiction or investigative journalism? I have this all prepared presuming it was memoir. Can open records police investigation records be legally allowed enclosed, some have died since others unreachable. I’ve stayed silence to long now I don’t know how to start fresh appreciate your response and emailed you. Some documents were from long ago no longer access to edit. I wrote a story about the experience and enclosed evidence ETC. Do you take materials by email to review? Can you rewrite something appropriately for a fee? I could submit the transcript.
I have written a memoir which has been edited and ready for printing. Although several publishing companies liked the book, none would publish as they said that memoirs, except from those of the rich or famous, do not sell well and it would not be a lucrative proposition for them. I therefore decided to have the book printed and distributed among family and friends. I write under a pseudonym and have changed all names to protect identities. I want to put my onw name as the publisher but need to know if I need to set up a company to do so
That’s generally true—memoirs are typically hard to sell, so traditional publishers may be less interested in them. So yes, most memoirists do the same as you: They choose to self-publish their books and sell it to smaller markets (family, friends, niche groups and specific audiences).
While technically you don’t *need* to set up a company to use your own name as the publisher, I would still recommend doing it—even something as minor as an LLC—so you can write off your editing expenses as part of your business venture (publishing and selling your book).
What about Amazon publishing do you still need LLC? They usually provide you with tax info on payment, as a LLC without sale’s wouldn’t that be a issue? I’m far from professional writer and now hands disabled limited and I don’t currently publish just created few books unsure about type I’m inexperienced. As mentioned some materials not able to edit saved documents permanent other computers ETC. Starting over impossible.
Thanks for replying and your assistance.
Hey Kristen, I’m writing my first book. It is a fictional story based on true personal events. I have used real people as characters but changed a few names of the people I no longer associate with. I am not writing anything negative about people but do touch on some personal events like a friend’s pet dying and the pain they felt Some of the details around the event of the death I have made up or embellished on. Would that be a problem without permission from the family to write something personal like that? . I’m half way through my book and am just learning about all of this legal stuff now. uggh.
Thank in advance for your advice.
Hey Walter! Since you’re writing the book as a work of fiction, I wouldn’t worry about it. Just make sure you change the names and details of the characters (so they don’t resemble anyone from your real life). As far as embellishing the details, that’s fine—that’s what fiction is all about!
My story is how the ex-con brother bullied, lied, stole, had wills changed, etc, manufactured events, verbally and mentally abused my family. He’s done this his entire life and has many victims the evil terror and suffering he dealt people, let’s just say a bullet in the head would have been a better way to go. I won’t rest until I expose this Bernie Madoff wannabe. It’s all to tragic to let go.
I understand your frustration, Linda. However, be careful here—things like “a bullet in the head” could be problematic, in that (1) it could offend readers (who are perhaps sensitive to gun violence), and (2) be construed as a threat. In any case, be sure to take steps to protect yourself: change the names and physical details of characters so they’re not recognizable.
I am writing a memoir and plan on changing names but am concerned that when writing about parents and siblings it will be obvious who these people are, and I may be liable.
I am about to do the same and came here to get an answer to this question. How does one address mom, dad, step-mom, sister, step-sister, etc? I can easily change their names but how do you refer to them as their role?
You only need to worry about liability if you’re writing about them in a negative light. If you only have good things to say about your family members, just be sure to get their permission (in writing) to use their likenesses and family roles in your memoir. If you’re writing disparaging things about them, change their names and characteristics (including their familial roles) in your memoir to protect yourself.
It’s no longer a memoir if you say your mom is your neighbor and your dad is a coworker. How could a person write about childhood events but pretend their mom isn’t their mom? It doesn’t seem that is plausible. I have a different question though: if writing a memoir about a period of time spent with someone, and that someone has since changed their name, gender, moved far from where it took place, and has no contact with anyone from the past as this new person, can you still get in trouble for using their real name? I’m thinking privacy isn’t an issue if nobody in their life knows who they used to be. ??
That’s an interesting situation! Even though this person has changed their name and identity, they might still have a right to sue over you using their real former name.
H, Kristen. Could you come back to this: “It’s no longer a memoir if you say your mom is your neighbor and your dad is a coworker…”? To “change their names and characteristics (including their familial roles)”–if it is a memoir, my mom is my mom, changing names doesn’t seem to make much sense. Thanks!
Hi Jim. Yes, that’s true–if your mom is your mom, changing her “name” wouldn’t make much sense to the readers who know you. Even if names are changed, a recognizable portrayal can still cause emotional harm or damage relationships. But for the readers who don’t know you, they would know your mom only as the character you’ve created in your book, not the actual person. This is where changing her name and physical characteristics would help protect her identity.
Alternatively, you could refer to her as a “close friend,” an “aunt,” an “adoptive mom” or something else, depending on the context of your story, to help prevent her from being recognized by the readers who know you and your family.
If you’re really stuck and see no way around referring to her as your mother in the book, publishing the book under a pseudonym might be worth considering. I don’t usually condone publishing under a pseudonym for memoirs, as it takes away the author’s credibility, but it might be the lesser of two evils here.
I’m writing my memoir now about me and my high school boyfriend (who passed away) about us and my life but the only negative thing is my siblings and parents (who have passed). Their not mentioned by name but I know my siblings will know it’s about them. I can’t change the state or city otherwise it won’t make sense. The siblings names not mentioned though
If you don’t mention siblings’ names specifically when speaking poorly about them, you’ll probably be okay–although I’d recommend sharing the specific passages about them with a defamation lawyer to see if you should change anything to protect yourself.
But isn’t changing names the same as lying?? Certainly more than simple confabulation ….
I can see how it might come across as “lying.” But does it matter whether the perpetrator was named John in real life, but named as “Jerry” in your book? What they did to you–the most important thing–is still true in your book. Small details like name and description are an inconsequential thing to change in order to protect yourself from litigation.
Hello Kristen, thank you for your advice. My question is my memoir is regarding my father who murdered a person I don’t know. If only using his first name do I need to get permission from his family? I wouldn’t be speaking poorly about him, and my father has passed away.
Hi Carol, it sounds like you have a poignant and intriguing story. Writing about something in the public record—i.e., murder—is a little different in that you’re able to use actual names, as it’s already a matter of public knowledge. When you’re referring to “his” first name here, do you mean your father or the victim? In either case, if you’re using real names, be sure to back up the claims with the facts. Court records are a great source material.
Thank you for addressing this. I am in the process of writing a series of 3 books, autobiographical. I was inspired to use real names by Maya Angelou, it seemed to give the story so much more steps with real story characters. No one in my books has a negative light cast upon them and I feel good with using first names only. I have use last names when it comes to professional people that I talked about in my books, again only in a positive light. If you have any other suggestions I would always appreciate hearing them
Congratulations on writing your memoirs, Darla! As long as you’re writing positive things about them, the likelihood of them pursuing litigation for defamation in your books is small. Still, to be extra careful, you could have them read the parts of your book that feature them and get their permission (in writing) to share their name in your book. If you’ve never met these professional people (i.e., they’re well-known authors who published a book you reference, psychiatrists whose practices or theories you reference, and so on), you’re fine to simply reference their published work without needing to get their permission.
Hello and thank you for the information you provide. I am the owner of my Great Grandmothers written memoirs. She wrote them in 1938 and gave them to my mother who left them to me. I believe is a copy done by my G grandmother, not the original. It is a fascinating story and one that I feel needs to be shared and not lost. What are the legalities around me . having it published. Since there is not a single person mentioned in the memoirs who is still alive and my Great grandmother has been dead since 1955, all of her children have passed away also. There may be a few elderly on the next generation, her grandchildren left but I do not know how to contact them. Thank you for your help. there is no mention of copyright on the memoirs.
Since the memoirs were written so long ago, especially before US Copyright Law was signed into place, I believe you’re free and clear to publish the memoirs. However, I’d suggest speaking with an intellectual property lawyer before doing so.
This doesn’t take into account being sued for disclosing personal information about family. I have some very deeply personal stories about things my parents subjected to me to and I’m 99% sure my father would sue me for invasion of privacy even if I changed him name.
I am doing the same thing, how do we work around this issue?
Change the names and details of your family members. According to US law, a defamatory statement must contain sufficient information to someone to identify the person you’re writing about in your memoir.
However, yes, they can still sue for invasion of privacy–but even so, there are stipulations. To sue for invasion of privacy based on information in your memoir, your memoir must “harm a person’s personal and professional reputation.” Most of these cases involve assault or abuse of some kind. However, stories of assault or abuse as told by the victim are typically considered public interest, and judges and juries tend to be sympathetic to the victim, not to the perpetrator (if he were to make a privacy claim).
For further reading, Helen Sedwick’s book The Self-Publisher’s Legal Handbook is a great resource on this.
I am planning to make a story/comic of my real life incidents and student life struggles.. is it good to use name of institution.. I am not defaming anything but focusing on the struggles of the life
If you’re using the name of an institution, especially in a good light, you shouldn’t have any problems.
Hi Kristen,
I find this information very helpful, so thank you! My question: If the relationship I have with one of the characters is in the title, but still use a pseudonym for that character does that still put me at risk? For example: If the title is “Diaries of a younger sister” and I only have one older sister, but use a pseudonym for her, would that be that okay? I hope this makes sense. Looking forward to your response. Thanks!
In the case of identifying her as your older sister, I would suggest publishing under a pseudonym.
Hi Kristen I’m writing about a series of events that took place in a friend group where there was a lot of fakeness going on and essentially I got thrown out. Nothing too criminalAnd I changed all the names of the people however I go in chronological order of how this happens and the people will definitely identify themselves I do include a lot of low blows in there and have descriptions such as their jobs and places we have hung out at not where the individuals live
Hi Julie, I’d suggest changing their names and physical attributes, as well as any identifying factors such as the locations you hung out at and their jobs.
I was reading the other answers to some peoples questions and I understand changing someone’s name and their physical traits. My question is then do I have to change the details of those people like how we met and my interactions with them because then my story wouldn’t be accurate or authentic. And for certain places I went to like schools or hospitals would I have to change the names of those places too? I’m writing my life story so there’s a lot of people I’m going to include do I have to change all their names?
Hi Jaci! In a memoir, it’s okay to change minor details like how you met without worrying about taking away the “authenticity” or “accuracy” of the story. For the places you went to, like schools or hospitals, you only need to change the names of those locations if you speak badly about them – such as if you or another character received a preventable infection in the hospital, due to negligent care.
You can change the names of all your characters, but it’s only really necessary to change the names of those you speak poorly about. Good luck! 🙂
My story includes many toxic family members. I can change their names and everyone would be difficult to identify except for my sister. She’s a large portion of my book, but even if I change her name, it wouldn’t be hard to figure out who “my sister” is if you know my name. So, how should I move forward with this? Thanks!
I’m working with a memoir client right now who refers to her “sister” throughout the book, but has changed her sister’s name. Technically, that’s enough to protect her, but if you’re unsure, you can always change her familial role (to “cousin” or something else), or publish under a pseudonym. In any case, I’d suggest contacting an IP (intellectual property) lawyer before publishing.
Thank you for this, Kristen. My father was a sadistic pederast who abused my brothers and me during the decade of my life. I have had extensive therapy whe, as an adult, memories of this abuse came forward. My brothers have had no such resurgence. At least two of them became abusers themselves. I mention this but do not identify them by name. I have used their real names but intend to change them pre-publication. While I say many good things about my brothers the public revelation of my childhood—and theirs—will be very upsetting to them. I am not in a position to get written permission from any of them. So just change names? Thank you again for this informative post.
Yes, changing their names and physical descriptors—anything that could identify them to others—would be your best bet.
Hi Kristen! Thank you so much for writing this blog. I am writing my memoir regarding childhood trauma/abuse and mental illness. My parents and two brothers are deceased. However, I do mention my Physicians names and location where I received treatment. What I am expressing is very complimentary. Do I still need to reach out to them for permission to use their names?
Since you’re portraying those physicians in a good light, you don’t need to get their permission.
My memoir is filled with childhood traumas, physical abuse, sexual abuse. While I don’t use first names, I do use words like mother, stepfather, or cousin. It a story of learning, self-discovery, and forgiveness. Is this allowed?
One of my clients is going through this right now. Her workaround was to replace the role “my brother” with “my relative.” It’s a good way to keep your story authentic without the added strain of potential litigation. Regardless, I’d suggest you contact an intellectual property (IP) lawyer before publishing, to make sure you’re in the clear.
I am currently writing a book and was wondering if I can include the redacted versions of the police reports and pictures of myself. My ex-husband has been convicted and under FIPPA anyone can pretty much access the information. Currently looking for a lawyer to speak to about my rights in this regard. What do you recommend? I do give \pseudonyms to people that I am writing about except for him.
Good! Anything that is public information can be shared in your book. But yes, as with anything, double-check with a lawyer.
So glad to bump into this advice! I didn’t find (did I miss it?) a distinction between using someone’s first name (Linda, Jane, Louise, etc) versus their full name. If I’m only using their first name, does the protocol for written permission still pertain? There’s not one disparaging word about anyone, but I want to do right by my friends, without bothering them unncessarily. Grateful that you’re here!
LJ
If you’re writing negatively about someone, yes, you should change their first name to something different, even if you’re only using their first name. (Try to change physical characteristics, too. The main goal here is to make sure the person you’re writing about doesn’t recognize themselves based on their character name and description.) But since you’re writing positive things, you’ll be fine to use their real names and descriptors – it’s still good practice to get their permission beforehand, though.
My memoir is really a pretty insane look at the life of someone that had it all and realized he married the wrong woman. She began cheating early on in the relationship and I stupidly forgave her thinking it wouldn’t happen. Again I wound up with 3 children that I love dearly but i on the wrong end of narcissistic parental alienation. My story starts as a youth I was mentally and physically abused by classmates. I never had good self esteem and somehow I met this girl that was quite a a bit younger than me. She was 17 and I was 25. Seems like a big difference but there was such a. Connection and cons that I had never experienced with anyone and she was the aggressor in the relationship. We were married for 19 years. Her infidelity in the marriage coincided with a weight loss surgery I had again because I never felt worthy of anyones love. Unfortunately that surgeon had over prescribed opiate pain medication which magically made my fears and feeling of inadequacy disappear. After two years of being prescribed by a less than responsible doctors as soon as the opiate epidemic starting making the news he cut me off cold turkey and I had no idea what I was in store for. I had a good paying job and a baby on the way and I couldn’t imagine at the time making it through the withdrawals that I wasn’t even warned about by the surgeon. This turned into
A co to her use of buying pain killers off the street and the. Ultimately heroin use. This was the polar opposite of everything I was raised to believe. I was raised during the Nancy regan this is you brain on drugs era and as a child I always said I would never be that guy that did any drugs much less heroin! Well I’m 7 years clean from heroin but during that time my wife never stopped her extramarital affairs Including very close friend of mine, fathers of my childrens friends. They were also married at the time. She was with my sons baseball coach as well as at least 20 different men the majority of which personally knew me and knew they were doing this with a married woman with 3 young children and a husband. I was figuratively a beaten man. I was a complete wreck and the opiates were the only thing I knew of at the time that kept me going with work, family and life in general. I wanted to be GONE on numerous occasions believing it would just fix everything it would allow her freedom to move on without owning her actions and it would free me from the pain and mental suffering I had endured for long enough.
That being said I spent about 6 years living in the same household sharing a room with my son while my wife openly slept with anyone that would agree or so it seemed
My youngest daughter would cry every night because mommy would t come home at her bed time. I was the primary caregiver and I have thousands of photos and videos of all the very good times I had with the kids. When I was a child and asked what I wanted to be when o grew up my friends all said cop, fireman, scientist etc. i only had one goal and that was to be s father.
One of the gentleman she was seeing was not happy that I still lived there even though at that point I wouldn’t have had intimate relations with her if you paid me. I found her repulsive. But I was raised to respect all
Women even whores. I did my best to hide her lifestyle to my children but they knew.
So the guy that didn’t like me living there convinced her how to get rid of me. I was paying alll of the bills and even giving her the amount of child support that she would have tureen had we split. So she not only had a free ride she also was getting $1200
Per month in cash after I had paid all the bills plus she had her own successful dog walking business and through her own admission she had been charging certain men for sex. So she filed a false restraining order even thought there wasn’t a single incident of abuse or violence and the pd has even notated on their reports there was no sign of abuse. How she managed to get a restraining order that also prohibited me from seeing or even talking to any of the children it was the. That she stated her alienation tactics. My loving children changed. After18 months without contact with them once I talked to them I knew things had changed. They spoke to me in tones and sentences that mimicked their mothers thoughts. They were now brainwashed and suffering from Stockholm syndrome. I have been fighting in the court any way I can but it is very difficult with a fixed income of Ssdi. She had managed to corrupt the thoughts of the schools the kids therapists and whoever else would listen to her
Now my son is best friends with a level 2
Registered sex offender along with my
Daughter. She allows them to smoke marijuana and just last
Week she unenrolled them
From school which she told me was s private
School and I’d have to pay may
Share. After
Investigating I found that the woman that is supposed to run the private
School is nothing more than a home
School tutor that doesn’t even offer
State
Mandated curriculum
So her I sit broken hearted and sit out the ability to talk to my kids because when I do they are extremely rude and sometimes threaten to murder me wishing that I would die in my sleep. I’m struggling to find help for the alienation but I feel a strong calling to write my story!
I’m sure others have gone through similar situations. But the combination of circumstances feel very different and compelling.
Hat being said it is 2022 and changing her name and appearance won’t hold much weight because she would be identified it immediately. I also have a YouTube channel that is up and coming and I plan to use it to promote and tell my story
I’m sorry for being so verbose there is just so much information that I didn’t feel right unless I have alot of the story. Should I change her name or just use it.
Hey Michael, thanks for that in-depth information! I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through. I’d still suggest changing her name, even despite that she would be easily recognizable. Using her real name would set you up for possible litigation on grounds of libel. In any case, I’d suggest contacting a lawyer prior to publishing to get your bases covered!
Kristen- My mom has dementia and I want to help her publish a book she wrote about her life. The book includes real names. Some of this is public record as she writes about real people getting arrested, real journalists, and court cases she was involved in and the real names of Judges who presided. (some now deceased) Real people that were public figures and part of the ‘movement’ she was involved with. Do I need to change all those names?? or just certain ones? If it is ‘easier’ to publish under a pseudo name and that would ‘solve’ all the potential legal problems, I am sure she would be fine with that as well. She also has newspaper clippings to include as pictures in her story. Can she use those?
Hey Reggan! Anything in the public record is fair game, so she’s fine using that information accurately in her book. (An important note: She can use real details from the public record. Anything beyond that–such as her own experience or any details that are not included in the public record–is off-limits.) For any circumstances or people not part of the public record, consider changing characters’ names and identifying details for these situations, in particular for people she speaks negatively about.
Publishing under a pseudonym doesn’t necessarily clear her of any wrongdoing that might arise in terms of libel (if she were to speak negatively about people while using their real names). So, even if she uses a pseudonym, I’d suggest changing the real names and details of people she speaks negatively about in her book.
Using newspaper clippings should be fine; I don’t see an issue with this. Just be sure to properly cite the newspaper source. And, as always, I’d suggest running the book by an intellectual property lawyer before publishing to double-check that all your bases are covered.
I am writing a short memoir discussing a singular moment that changed my life for a college course that I may choose to publish later. I plan to write in detail about my struggle with suicide and my mom walking in to find me in the midst of attempting. That being said, there is an important side-event that details a friend of mine’s own suicide that I felt extreme guilt over that I feel compelled to add in it. Should I use a pseudo name for her? I’m on the fence, and I know that I could change it later if I do decide to publish it, but in either case, for class or otherwise, I’m unsure if I or she or her family, for that matter, would be okay with it. I don’t plan to write negatively about her, though I know many people are not fond of the idea of suicide, and it can be seen as negative in and of itself, nor is it truly my business to tell her story for her. However, it is essential to mine. What kind of name would I even use? Just a regular ole Jane Doe name? I don’t particularly like the idea of that either. Please help me
Hi Serena, what a poignant story to tell. Wow. As far as your friend’s suicide, you’re right to consider these things. I’d suggest changing her name just for privacy, but if you’re really compelled to share her name, be sure to ask her family’s permission first. If you go with a pseudonym, you can make something up–it doesn’t have to be “Jane Doe” or something boring like that.
Hi Kristen,
Am I able to reference artist/songs with lyrics in my Autobiography? There are songs that reflects my life and will help explain what is going on in my life? Is it okay as long as I reference the artist?
Thank you for your insight!
It’s okay to reference song titles, but not the lyrics (unless you get permission first). See my blog post “How to Use Song Lyrics in Your Book” for more on this: https://www.kristencorrects.com/how-to-use-song-lyrics-in-your-book/.
My memoir is finished, or so I thought. I have learned from reading ever Q here what I most change. However, only one of the girls in the book is still living; the remaining four are all deceased. After reading the galley, the living lady would not sign her release form has decided she doesn’t want her real name used. I’m rewriting a memoir that has had the rights reverted to one of the co-writers, who is also deceased. The story was originally published in 1985 and parts of it remain on the internet. Also, hold-out has given an interview for a documentary airing January ’23. Although I have not said anything negative about the girls when they were young, the dissenting girl feels that times have changed, and the perception of what they did may appear as reckless behavior. If she should receive harassment on social media or online could I be held negligent? Thanks for sharing your expertise.
It is possible that you could be held liable if the living individual experiences harassment as a result of the book and documentary airing. It is important to consider the potential harm that could be caused by publishing the book and using the individual’s real name, especially if they have expressed reluctance about being included in the story. It may be prudent to seek legal advice regarding your potential liability and how to proceed with publishing the book. I would contact an intellectual property lawyer for this concern.
Hello,
I intend on writing my autobiography. And I am having problems with using correct Diaglog with names, for example: When I mention my social worker. I write my social worker. When I mention my friend, I write my friend. This sounds and reads too generic for my liking and puts a boring tone throughout my draft manuscript of my autobiography. Should I use a fake name and write up a disclaimer before I start the main body on a separate page stating the names of the characters have been changed and are fictional for legal reasons?
I am aware I cannot use real names as I cannot get permission from people I am no longer in contact with or have passed away. Therefore, I have to protect myself as I plan on publishing my autobiography. I also spent time in state care, so there were many government workers involved and also child psychologist and there was a few court cases and other legal matter that happen. I have spent time in institution as well. I not mentioned anyone’s names but saying my sister or brother etc. does not sound professionally written and I have had multiple people involved in my life as multiple situations happened in my life.
It is hard for anyone reading it to keep up with who was who, their relationship or acquaintance to me and so forth without using names and I have not given any description about what they look like and the finer details because I do not want to be sued and my life story cannot be told without involvement of the people who were involved. I tried writing it a few different ways, but nothing is easy to follow without names and some form of descriptive dialog. Can I use real names of schools and institutions and other public places? I am struggling with these matters.
Would a disclaimer stop anyone suing me? There were some family member and other people that did evil acts and abused me too, so I cannot paint a pretty picture about those people. So, there is negative dialog regarding those people I cannot say it in a positive way especially when it involves child abuse or domestic violence because that would not be facts or truth, writing it in a positive way.
I think a disclaimer will help and character names changes what I need to do. I just wanted your opinion too because I know people would sue and say my story is not true although I have files, reports and written proof to back myself up, I want to avoid any potential lawsuits altogether, but I want the truth to be told exactly how it happened and not water it down too much where the truth is swept under the rug.
Sorry for the long questions.
Thanks, in advanced.
Yes, I’d assign a fake name to the characters in your book in order to make your characters and scenes come to life. Yes, you should specify that some names have been changed to protect the identity of the characters, but a good editor and/or publisher would be able to help with that. You can use the names of schools, institutions, and other public places.
Including a disclaimer can’t stop anyone from suing you. However, I would suggest speaking with an intellectual property lawyer before publishing your book in order to make sure all your bases are covered.
hi
I have written and have a publisher for my memoir. It centers around an older woman and her positive influence I met when I was a child. The memoir is tribute to her and the wonderful moments I spent with her. She died 35 years ago. She never married and had no children, the only living relatives are great nieces and nephews. I would not know how to contact any of them. Is it okay to use her real name? The memoir honors her…never is an ill word written, thank you
No worries there! You’re free to use her real name as long as you’re writing positive things about her.
I find your article and answers very helpful. I wrote a book, Chapters 4-10 are 70 stories written by missionaries about their reentry experiences. I edited their story, then got their permission to include it in my book. HOWEVER! My wife has led 52 ministry trips through the years. COVID stopped her fifty-third! So she began writing short stories of her team adventures. YES, real people with real names are included in her stories. ALL of her references to these people are positive. MANY are nationals of the countries and are not available for asking permission. We have lost contact with them. We are also out of contact with MANY who were on her teams. Your counsel would be appreciated. ~~~NEAL
You’re probably all clear to use their real names, especially if you’re only writing positive, non-defamatory things about them.
Hi Your article was very helpful, thank you. I do have a question though about my specific situation. I have a non-fiction book in the works, but not a memoir, that will be mentioning some people by name. A couple of them are now celebrities that I was around (before they were famous) decades ago when we were kids. I have no easy way of getting in touch with them now. There won’t be anything bad mentioned about them so do would you still recommend that I try to get permission from them before mentioning them in the book? There wouldn’t be any defamation issues but I am concerned about whether I would be violating their right to privacy or right to publicity? Also, there would be no mention of them on the cover of the book or in any of my advertising; they aren’t going to play a key role in the book but I’d still like to mention them. Thank you.
Yes, you can write a memoir about your childhood friends who became celebrities. However, it is important to note that if you choose to write about individuals who are public figures, you should be mindful of their right to privacy and any potential legal issues that may arise. It is recommended to obtain the consent of those individuals, or to avoid including any information that could be considered sensitive or damaging. Additionally, it may be a good idea to consult with a literary agent or a lawyer who is knowledgeable about publishing and privacy laws.
If you are unable to get in touch with the individuals who are the subject of your memoir, you should consider whether it is appropriate to include personal or sensitive information about them without their consent. Depending on the nature of the information and local laws, publishing private or potentially harmful information about someone without their permission could have legal consequences.
In general, it is always a good idea to be respectful of others’ privacy and to avoid publishing information that could be considered defamatory or damaging. If you cannot get in touch with the individuals you wish to write about, it may be better to focus on your own experiences and reflections, rather than including information about them.
Thank you so much!
I am writing a memoir about living and thriving with cerebral palsy. For the most part all my characters are shown in a very positive light. Do I need to get their permission to use their first names? I also have a few traumatic stories related to my career. I would never use the real names. Do I need to tell the story without those characters.
If you write about people in a positive light, you’re okay to use their real name. As far as the traumatic stories, if you speak negatively about those characters, you can still include them in your story, just change their names and physical descriptors so they aren’t recognizable.
Dear Kristen,
Thank you so much for this article.
I am currently writing a memoir to tell my story after a traumatic event that happened to me. Since I’ll never get justice the proper way, that book is a way for me tell the world what happened and how it made me feel. Of course, I wouldn’t want to risk any defamation accusation, that would sound like a double punishment. But now my question is: is it okay to talk about the people I experienced this with if I change all their names and maybe the city/country’s location? Of course I am writing about how I felt but I couldn’t write this book if I wasn’t talking about them in details, too.
Thanks a lot for your answer, I would really appreciate to know more about what can be done so I can try to get published.
Hi Dany, sorry to hear about the traumatic experience that happened to you. Yes, if you change their names and physical descriptors (and yes, including the city they live in, if you mention that), you’ll be fine to share your story without risking defamation.
Hello Kristen, thank you so much for this great article!
Something terrible happened to me years ago when I was in a very toxic relationship, and if I unfortunately don’t have the proofs required to take the case to Court, why I need at least to have my own version of Justice by writing a book about what happened. I changed the names and do not give any physical details about anyone, but I do talk about many habits or details of theirs lives. If it’s already hard to hide them behind other names, I do feel like if I was taking off those precise details, it would ruin the whole essence of the book. It would be like creating characters from scratch, which is absolutely not the point when it comes to saying the truth.
Do you think I risk anything (here, potentially being sued for defamation) if all names are changed? Should I also change the country, maybe even the years it happened? Also, I am writing in English (which is not my mother tongue, so my book wouldn’t be published in my own country and less read there), but still, that would feel like a double injustice if sharing my story was also a risk to be sued, why I am truly seeking your advice.
Thank you so much again.
Thank you for your insightful answers to so many of these excellent questions posed to you!
I’m clear on the need to change names in a memoir that is less than complimentary of some people- but… if the author uses a real name, doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose? (The family members will know who’s who in this thing.) OR, are you saying that even if the family and close-in circle “know” who’s who (e.g., the Ex-husband of the author) is it your experience that simply using a fake name (for the Ex-husband) is sufficient to avoid legal pushback?
In this case, in addition to changing characters names/physical descriptors, I’d suggest changing their family role/how they’re related to the author—for example, instead of saying “ex-husband,” you can change to “ex-boyfriend” or the like.
When writing a memoir and it’s all positive, the negative was brought on by me not them, can I use their real name?
Generally speaking, you should be okay to use their real names if you say nothing but positive things about them. But, they still may not be personally named if they were part of a bad situation. I’d suggest asking them and getting their written permission to use their real names in your book.
Hello Kristen,
Thank you for the valuable information. I am preparing to start on a painful memoir about my life more as a cautionary tale to mother’s and their children more than looking for peace after offloading my traumatic experiences. It’s good to know that I can change the name of the individual responsible for this pain that continues to haunt me to this day. I just hope that when I finish I can relay these experiences in a way that lures the audience in to take a hard look at these instances and what a permanent impact it can have in someone’s entire life. Thank you again.
I’m happy to help, Alan. Good luck with writing your memoir!
I have changed all the names in my memoir except my own, that’s a no brainer. However… I would like to use the actual locations of events. I don’t talk negatively about my rural hometown, in fact I want people to fall in love with the locations as I have. People I grew up with could definitely identify who is who in my story even with the name changes. Should I change location names as well in order to protect myself legally?
If you speak negatively about the people in your book, it sounds like changing the name of your hometown would be the best option, especially if the people in your book would be able to be identified based on the (factual) town name.
Hello Kristen,
I have written a book about my grandfather’s Appalachian stories and his life. The stories date back to 1729 I use real names only for those who are dead. Others who are alive (like brothers, sisters, and cousins) became amalgams of family members to not present them or their identity. I even changed the names of my uncle, aunt great aunt and 2nd cousin( who are all deceased) because they have living relatives. My book is in the proof stage and will be published, my household worries of legal actions because I used the real names of the dead. I am 99% positive and speak endearing of them all. They were all hard working people, but my grandfather and his siblings had amazing tales of bootlegging from the mountains and delivering there moonshine to Chicagoland gangsters in the 1920s. Are we being paranoid or can someone take legal actions for the dead and take our home and retirement savings? These tales I recorded are quite memorizing, and I am the last of the storytellers living that can save them for the next generations who refuse to set and listen and learn the old art mountain storytelling.
Please clarify
Thanks
T. Arwood
Hi Tim! How interesting to have that piece of history. If you’ve only said positive things about your dead family members, I wouldn’t worry. Congratulations on publishing!
Hi Kristen,
My memoir/autobiography will basically be my journal entries from the time I was a kid to present day… changing names is fine but folks relationships to me is key/vital to understanding the gravity of the events that took place. For example, changing “my sister” to “my cousin” takes away from the actually closeness of the relationship which matters. Additionally, I have cousins that could read that and recognize that it’s false or perhaps claim it wasn’t them if that makes sense. Would it be appropriate to select the passages for which the person is mentioned and send to them to pre-approve the use of their name/relationship? And how is it defamatory if it’s true? Like this “event” literally happened and this “person” was literally there or did the action written about. Any thoughts/advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.
Hi Rose. Yes, if you want to use real names, I’d suggest getting the person’s approval in writing. Even if the material may be true, an individual can take legal action if it’s defamatory, in the sense that it portrays them negatively to other people. So, getting their written permission helps stop any issues before they have a chance to arise (after the book is published), and helps protect you in the chance that they want to pursue litigation.
Dear Kristen,
I asked a question here some time ago about writing a memoir and changing names and locations to avoid defamation. If last time it seemed clear to me that I wanted to add many details about the negative people mentioned (and so it sounded better here to use a fake name), I only feel today like giving the main character’s real first name. For legal reasons, do you still think I should change the main character’s first name, even if there’s no details about our life together and no last name mentioned, just the first? For example, if the real name is John but I only call him that way the throughout the whole memoir, couldn’t it sound like a regular John with no other proof of identification ? Thanks a lot for your answer, after some work done, I do feel today the need to use the real first name to refer to that character, even if that means no specific detail about that person.
Hi Dany! I’d recommend against using John’s real name, if that’s the case here, particularly if the book is a memoir.
Dear Kristen
I have printed 10 copies of my grandad’s autobiography that he wrote in 1979, for the family. I’m being asked to publish it and most names have been changed except one. This is a famous author who died in the 70s and there is much reference to their friendship in a positive light, although he never knew that she was married at the time, but getting divorced. Due to her not being able to commit to him, he broke off their friendship and moved on.
Can I publish that?
Hi Simon. If your grandad wrote only positive things about her, and her situation with being married at the time/getting divorced wouldn’t be considered inappropriate or sensitive in any way, you’d likely be fine to publish it with her real name. I’d contact the family, if possible, to get their written approval to use her real name in the memoir.
Hi Kristen!
I’ve been reading comments and your replies, and I think I might have to scrap my memoir altogether… My “mother” and her ex-husband groomed me and subjected me to years of neglect and sexual abuse. In order to heal myself and maybe others, I’ve been thinking long and hard about sharing my story. I’m just entering the research phase now, which has led me here.
I feel like there’s no way to convey my history without acknowledging my parent’s role. It would not be the same nor really make sense if the abuse came from, say, an acquaintance, and changing her name and likeness while still making the character my mother would make her easily identifiable. I could use a pseudonym… What do you suggest?
Thanks in advance!
Hi Chrissie! I’m sorry to hear about your experience. I’ve worked with quite a few authors who have had a similar experience to yours, and I totally agree with and support your decision to want to reach others with your message. When done right, it can be very validating and healing (to yourself and others who’ve experienced it too).
In this case, I’d recommend instead of using your parents’ real names, create fictional names for them. This provides a layer of anonymity and separates your narrative from their true identities. Write the book from your own perspective and use phrases such as “my mother” or “my father” rather than their actual names. This keeps the focus on your experiences and emotions. Stick to the truth and avoid making false statements that could harm your credibility or open you up to defamation claims.
As far as using a pseudonym, yes, that’s always an option too. Or, you can publish under your real name as long as you identify details such as location, dates, and specific events to make it difficult for anyone to identify your family or your own identity (for example, the argument could be made that there is someone else with your name living in a different location). It’s up to you.
In any case, I’d suggest to consult with an attorney experienced in defamation and libel laws in your area. They can provide guidance on your specific situation and ensure your writing complies with the law.
Great & helpful work here, Kristen–thanks!
I’m writing a serious of short pieces about events in my life that occurred between 40 and 60 years ago, in another state (in another world, really :>). Most of the people involved are either dead or I can’t imagine how I’d get in touch with them.
I’ve got two question for you:
1. I’m not trying to paint anybody in hell (or heaven, for that matter), but in most of the (frequently humorous) situations in my stories several of the participants do things that could reasonably be construed as stupid, embarrassing, or even technically illegal (statute of limitations expired on all such acts). Even if I change their names, some of them will possibly be recognizable to anyone old enough to remember these folk. Am I in much danger of litigation there?
2. One of the featured characters (who appears in a number of the stories) is now in a relatively high elected Federal position. Is there any added–or lessened–jeopardy about using his real name (yeah, it is a male-type person)? I’m certain he would never give approval for doing so (we are, politically and ideologically on very different sides of the fence now). I’m not really gunning for him or anything, but he’s an integral part of many of these stories and some of the incidents would be quite awkward for him now, if he was recognized.
Cheers!
Hi Alec, I wouldn’t worry about them recognizing themselves, especially if you change their names. The goal here is not to necessarily make it so they can’t recognize themselves in your book, but so they can’t be recognized by readers.
As far as the man in prison–is there any purpose to including his real name? If you choose to use his real name, it’s wise to only name him in events that are a matter of public record. Otherwise, yes, theoretically he could sue for defamation (or at least try to). It’s usually much easier and simpler to change names and physical descriptions, in order to protect yourself.
Thanks for that quick reply, Kristen.
There’s a bit of a misunderstanding. The person in question is not in prison. He’s a current (relatively long serving) US Congressperson. Seems to me there are two aspects that make this situation kind of special: he is definitely a Public Person (is frequently on TV, the newspapers, etc.) and I thought that might make him “fair game” as it were; and, contrarily, as an important public person he is in a position where he can command certain resources that are not available to everyone–and he might feel even more threatened than the average Joe or Jill.
Oh, sorry for the misunderstanding! I misread “federal position” as “federal prison.” Whoops!
Yes, even though–and especially because–he’s in a federal position of power, I’d avoid using his real name. If you have legal proof of the things you say he does in your book (and you’re down and ready for a potential fight), of course you could use his real name. But in many cases, it’s easier to simply avoid using his real name.
Hey Kristen, I am currently writing my own memoir to use it as a self-help book to change the direction of my life. Consequently, most of the important people in my life, good or bad, will be at least a slighlty discussed. What do you think of using the 1st letter of their surname to identify them ? This gives me the satisfaction of staying true to my story, but also the freedom of worry of any negative legal repercussions. Is that a good way to go about it acording to you ?
Good morning, Jonathan! Using only the first letter of their surname would definitely work. Good idea!
Hi Kristen. Thanks for answering all our questions. If I’m writing a memoir or autobiography, and the people are real, and they’re not likely to give permission if asked, is it better to use a single initial for their name or to change their names altogether? You mentioned libel and I think…defamation in previous responses. If we want to be truthful to what we believe occurred – because really it’s our word against theirs, isn’t it? – how do we tell the story without defaming someone or participating in libel? How do we define what the truth of a tale is, when we know how we remember it won’t be how they remember it OR how they present it to the world? How much do we have to change in order to not be legally accountable for giving our version of events? I’m well aware that memory is fickle, and I know we all individually own our history. So how do we tell the story we know to be true, without getting into trouble, without having to ask people’s permissions, and without the risk of being sued, going to jail, etc.? Is it even possible? Is it as simple as not saying “he was blonde with Nordic features,” and instead skipping physical description altogether? “B looked like a typical 80s glam metal rock star…” – is that okay? If the character in question looked like a specific heavy metal band leader, are we allowed to mention the band? Are we allowed to mention the musician in question? ‘He’ really looked like that, and if he reads the book, he’ll know who I mean. Does a vague description like this protect me? The more responses I read, the more I think there isn’t a purpose to sharing our stories after all. Like others, I’ll feel fake if I don’t tell my version, if I change things to something they weren’t. Like others, I’m not interested in making money – but I still want to try and get it published. Am I just out of luck?
Hi Kaye,
You’re right–there are many different versions of the truth. I’d suggest emphasizing your personal feelings and experiences. This allows for honest storytelling without solely depicting a negative image or trying to tell who is “right” and who is “wrong.”
As far as physical descriptors: Yes, you can reference public figures, such as “He looked like a young William Shatner” or “He looked like the lead singer of Metallica.”
Don’t feel discouraged! It can get tricky with avoiding defamation and libel, but as long as it’s done right, you can certainly tell your story. Remember, focus on your experiences and how they made you feel, not who was right or wrong. Protect yourself by using a different name and characteristics–you can be as vague or as detailed as you like. The main goal is that as long as who you’re talking about isn’t recognizable by the average reader, you’ll be okay.
This is a good post.
Thank you, Celewish!
Hello Kristen – Thank you for your article and for your many replies on this page! That is awesome. Here is my situation: Chapter 4 of my dissertation (“35 Days”) tells the story of a dramatic change process following my school’s (Minnehaha Academy) deadly natural gas explosion and how we moved into an office park location, and really established a new school, just 35 days after the explosion. My narrative is organized by Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, etc. (autoethnography). I used pseudonyms for everything in the dissertation, from the name of the school to the companies and people involved in the story.
My question: I desire to convert my autoethnography to a published nonfiction narrative, telling the story of the 35 days and going into a bit more detail where the reader would benefit. Almost all of my writing about others is positive, but do you think I should just stick to the same pseudonyms that I used before, with exception of my name (characters, cities, companies, etc.)? Or, would it be best to use all factual names?
Thanks for any advice!
Hi Jason!
Maintaining consistency with the use of pseudonyms or factual names largely depends on your goals for the published narrative and the potential impact on individuals and organizations involved. Consider the impact on the privacy of individuals and organizations. If the use of factual names could potentially cause discomfort, reveal sensitive information, or affect relationships, continuing with pseudonyms might be more ethical and respectful.
Yet, using factual names can enhance the authenticity of the story and might be more transparent for readers who wish to delve deeper into the actual events and individuals involved. If you choose to use real names, I’d suggest getting written permission of all involved.
Hi there! I have a question about remaining somewhat anonymous with my autobiography. It’s mostly about how I survived my horrendous experience as a child in the foster care system. I am Native American and want to use my tribal name that is not publicly known, even to my estranged family. Will be changing names, locations etc. I’m afraid of being sued or them trying to claim it’s not true if they can even find me or recognize me, which has me thinking about publishing as a novel (which I don’t want to do). I’m in my late 50s so I don’t even know if I should be concerned at this point because theres not much I can do to prove my story. Thoughts? Thank you !!
Hi Nuna. If you plan to publish under your tribal name, that would essentially be publishing under a pseudonym, which could definitely work in your favor. Still, I’d suggest avoiding using real people’s names (as you plan to do), especially if you speak badly about them. It sounds like you’re on the right path here–no need to publish this as a novel. Good luck!
I’m writing a short novel of events that actually occurred but plan on changing people names and places. The story includes actual text message exchanges between the people, in which the true person’s name will be replaced by a fictional name. Is it permitted to publish the actual words/sentences from the text messages sent and received under this scenario or will they need to be reworded? Thank you.
Text message exchanges are considered written content and are protected by copyright, belonging to the sender and receiver. Reproducing these messages without permission could potentially infringe on their copyright. So, I’d suggest rewording the text messages.
Your piece on ‘Important Rules for Using Real Names in Memoirs’ is a valuable guide, offering clear and thoughtful insights into a crucial aspect of memoir writing. Well done on providing concise and practical advice that undoubtedly helps writers navigate the delicate balance between authenticity and consideration in their storytelling.
Kristen, thank you for the insights. I have written a memoir but need to provide more substance. My concern is that my ex wife is central to my story as it has to do with living with and making a commitment to someone with a chronic illness. Therefore her life interwoven with my life is central to the memoir. How do I do this? I do not think using her name is OK and she certainly will not give permission and if anyone she knows that knows me they will know who the main characters are. And I do believe it is a story to be told.
Thank you for your insights. John
That’s a complex situation. Writing a memoir involving someone else, especially your spouse, can be sensitive. Respecting her privacy and feelings is crucial, especially considering her health struggles.
Although I usually advocate for publishing a memoir under your real name, in this case, it might be better to go the route of publishing under a pseudonym. That would give you the freedom to tell your story without hurting your wife’s feelings.
Hi Kristen.
I’ve always wanted to write the story of my life but all these comments I’m reading here has me alittle taken aback. I want to write my life not a sci-fi novel or some other kind of fiction. It’s my life. I’ve got no intention of publishing my book. It’s for my family and how would truth be told if I changed every little thing and I didn’t tell it? It’ll be like a diary but starting from the beginning of my life. Thank you.
Hi Kim! If you don’t have any intention of publishing your book, you’re fine to use whatever factual details you want. The issues with using real names, with legalities and libel, only arise for books that are published and available to the public. Write your story!
I’m thinking of writing a memoir about my experience of sexual assault in 2000 by my driving instructor. Unfortunately he hasn’t been charged. How best can I refer to him in my book? Would his initials be ok?
Hi Clare, I’m so sorry to hear about that experience. You’re right–if there’s no legal record of him assaulting you, you can’t legally use his name in your book. But yes, just using his initials would be fine. The main goal is to avoid disclosing his identity to your readers. As long as your readers don’t know his real name/identity, you’re set.
Hi Kristin, this article and your comments have been so valuable. I’m working on a memoir where I will absolutely need to use fake names for characters, as well as myself. What about company names? Some of my memoir includes experiences with very large companies and not all of it is favorable. Could they sue?
Hi Ava! Yes, I’d definitely recommend changing the name of the large companies, as they could definitely sue for defamation or libel. Instead, refer to them as a “large shipping company” or a “well-known grocery service,” for example. Keep it general so the companies’ identities remain hidden.
Hello Kristen!
I’m writing a memoir and I was wondering about names of family members. I don’t need to actually use their names, as some won’t be ok with that. Is it OK to call them by their familial to me name? Such as Aunt #1 or Uncle #2 and so on? It’s very important to show the correlation of family to my story. Your thoughts would be wonderful! Thank you!
Tracey S.
Good morning, Tracey!
Absolutely, using familial titles like Aunt #1 or Uncle #2 can be a great way to maintain anonymity while still highlighting the relationships and connections within your memoir. It’s a common approach in memoir writing to protect the privacy of individuals who may not wish to be explicitly named.
HI Kristin,
I wrote a memoir including my grandchildren. I changed their names, but because they are minors, do I need to get permission from their parents? My daughter and her former partner share joint custody. It’s a 50-50 custody.
Thanks,
Evelyn
If you only say positive things about your grandchildren, there’s no need to include permissions, as you’re not violating any libel or defamation laws. It’s simply not necessary. And, using pseudonyms for their names is another layer of protection to protect their identity.
A couple things to be aware of, however: Legal issues might arise if the father feels that his privacy or his relationship with his daughters has been misrepresented or if any sensitive information about him is revealed without his consent. It could be helpful to have a conversation with him, ensuring he understands your intentions. Consider having your daughter and son-in-law read the memoir (particularly the spots where you mention them and their daughters) before publication to make sure they’re okay with their portrayal in the book before you publish. While this technically isn’t necessary (as you’re not saying negative things about them), it would be a considerate thing to do.
My sister wrote a book disclosing private family affairs and some of it never happened she’s named a lot of people in the book with their full name as as me in the book too I never wanted to be in her book and I told her that in person can she be liable for that or is it the publisher especially when none of us gave her permission in writing
Oof–yes, she shouldn’t have used real names in her book. I’d suggest speaking with a lawyer to see what your options are.
I am currently writing a memoir about my life doing theatre. This includes relationships I was in (and private information about them). I am including actors, directors and technicians that I have worked with over the years. I do talk about some of the issues and drama that I encountered with people along the way. I live in a town that only has one community theatre. I don’t want to change the names, but I also doubt I could reach out to all these people and have them sign a consent form (I know some wouldn’t sign it). As it’s the only theatre in town, I think that even if I change the names, others in theatre will know who I’m talking about. I do intend on hopefully publishing it, so what options or suggestions do you have? I feel like I’ve run into a dead end, so I appreciate your guidance or suggestions. Thank you.
Hi Alex! While you may be reluctant to change names, consider altering other identifying details such as your town name and the theatre company name to add a layer of anonymity. Combining aspects of different individuals into composite characters is another strategy to fictionalize the narrative. While seeking consent from those with significant roles in your story is ideal, you could also include a clear disclaimer at the beginning, stating that certain details have been altered for privacy reasons. As an alternative, presenting your memoir as a work of fiction inspired by real experiences provides creative freedom and distance from a factual account.
In any case, I’d advise consulting with a lawyer who specializes in defamation and privacy laws for personalized guidance based on your local jurisdiction and laws.
hello i was planning on writing a book about my high school life some people will be brought in to it, but i was already planning on changing there names. is there anything you whould say i chould change or not put im new at this writing thing and i have a lot of storys and i wanted to start with this one but the last thing i want is to get sued becuse i ahve a person in my story do you have any advise?
Hi Taylor! I’d suggest changing the names and details, including the name of the high school and the town the story takes place in.
Hi Kristen,
My kids are now grown (26 and 20) and they have always inspired me to write my memoir because I had so many stories in my life … and they still keep coming. This weekend a fact struck me that I should pursue my own memoir with the good and the bad changing people’s names, description but sticking to my truth as much as possible. The “bad guys” will know who they are in the book once they read it. It’s like watching Wizard of Oz and immediately connecting yourself with the tin man or the lion 🙂 … I would like to discuss this further with you because I need professional guidance. Never done this before.
Hi Nadine! Feel free to shoot me an email at kristen@kristencorrects.com and we can chat.
I would like to thank you, first for posting this, it has been most helpful and informative.
Secondly, I would like to share what I’m thinking after reading through the entire comment section:
I have a pretty insane life story and have been encouraged by friends and family since I was in my early twenties to, “just write your story”.
I’m fifty now and after reading through these comments and questions I definitely feel the best thing for me to do would be to try and just write instances as smaller stories. Not in any autobiographical way. Personally, it seems like so many of us have these stories that we think are so great but can’t be told correctly without using real names and locations, when in reality they would probably be able to hold the same weight even without it being “true”.
These are just my own thoughts, so take them or leave them, but if someone has an engaging personal story it will make an interesting read whether or not it’s written as fiction or nonfiction.
Also, in doing so one can alleviate any legal questions. Write the story- change the people involved.
Well said, Fawn!
Hello,
I am starting to write my memoir. It unfortunately will have a lot of negative things that happened to me, how I have overcame, and the hope I still have. Some of the people have passed, some have not. If I change the name for those still living, won’t it still be easy to figure it out? For example, one of my parents is still living. Even if I change their name and physical discriptions, won’t public records show who my parents are; therefore, outing them? If I mention an uncle, won’t geneology show who is that uncle?
I haven’t talked to these people in years, and want to protect myself from any litigation, but I don’t think any of them would provide written permission. How do I go forward?
Hi KC! A few options here: (1) Modify details beyond names, including locations and timelines, for added protection. (2) Combine characters to reduce the risk of recognition. (3) Include a disclaimer on the copyright page about changed details for privacy. (4) Focus on your own perspective and emotions to tell your story without exposing others to unnecessary scrutiny, and if needed, turn your memoir into fiction to further distance from real individuals. (5) You can also publish under a pen name to further protect yourself.
Unfortunately my memior contains names of celebrities. If I change the names , the book won’t make any sense.
I am in the process of writing a Memoir and publishing it. I got to this site of yours when I asked if it is OK to use real names of characters. Your post and the answers to questions made it very clear that it is not advisable to use real names without specific permission from the concerned. However, some of the characters – my college class mates ((I graduated 65 years ago) and some are no more. Is it OK to use their real names? I have no access to their family.
Hey Muthu! A couple things here: Even though the individuals are no longer alive, their families and descendants might be affected by the way they are portrayed. Consider whether the stories you are sharing could cause any distress or harm. And, although the right to privacy generally does not extend beyond death, certain jurisdictions may have specific laws protecting the reputations of the deceased and the privacy of their families. Take this into consideration when making your decision–and if nothing else, it’s okay to err on the side of caution and change their names–especially if you say negative or hurtful things about them.
Hi Kristen,
Thank you for all of the valuable information you have provided to others, it’s been very helpful.
I’m wanting to write an autobiography about my life growing up in a small outback town/area, which I really need to mention by name including the surrounding area due to this being an extremely poignant part of the story and which risks dilution if the names are changed.
Part of the story will include my ex boyfriend and associated negative experiences that shaped a transformative period in my life. As I wouldn’t be able to get permission from him, I’m happy to change his name, physical characteristics and could possibly refer to him as my husband (instead of boyfriend) but he and other people from the town are still likely to know who it is. I’m wondering if you can please advise the best way to go about this please??
Hi Natalie! As I’ve said in another comment here, doing everything you can to protect his identity (changing his name and characteristics) is typically all that’s needed to protect yourself legally, although laws might be different depending on the jurisdiction you’re publishing from.
What about names of public institutions – like a public university? (Used simply as a reference of where I went to school and the town/region I lived in.)
Hi Shannon! Yes, you can generally share the name of the university you attended in your memoir. Universities are public institutions, and mentioning them does not usually raise privacy or legal issues.
Hi Kristen this is thorough information. My story involves abuse disinheritance rejection etc. public figures too, but a lawyer said it would be best to just publish it as fiction with my own name but to tell my story as though a woman came to a pastor therapist and spills it piece by piece. The stories are true – those who know me will know. The fictional lady main character will say husband sister etc. Of course no real names for the characters. Is this safest bc most of the folks are still alive and no way for permission. The people reading may put it together though. Is this a good idea ?
Hi Dee, I’d take your lawyer’s advice, especially given he’d know the defamation laws in your jurisdiction.
By changing names and presenting the story through a fictional character, you can protect the identities of the real people involved, reducing the risk of defamation and privacy invasion claims. My advice, for going the fictional route: Frame your story as a series of sessions with a pastor or therapist, where the fictional character gradually reveals her experiences. Use this framework to introduce and explore different themes and events from your life.
Even if people reading it can put together the details from your real life, the general idea is to prevent people who *don’t* know you from being able to recognize the characters in your story.
Hi. I would like to know if I write about a band I played for and lots of people know the names of the members. I can’t change that. Or should I ?
If at all possible, I’d suggest getting the written permission of your band members before using their real names in your story. If you speak negatively about them, you should change the name of the band, the names of your band members, and publish under a pseudonym.
I was groomed an assaulted multiple times over 2 years by my college professor on campus. I came out anonymously but eventually came forward that I was the student abused. Everyone guessed who it was because they saw him lock his door with me in there and he quit during the investigation. A few journalists wrote about it, using his name they obtained from other sources and my name. I plan on changing every name except mine (do I have to change descriptions too? I talk about my triggers being bald men which is important in the story), but is it impossible to attach my name to my memoir since there are public articles naming both of us by journalists? I have filed a police report as well as reporting to the school before he quit. When I anonymously came out I published a lot on social media about what happened to me and he never came after me.
Hello Kristen,
My dad’s writing a memoir. He is a chef and the book contains all the experiences he had while working in multiple 5 star hotels in the kitchen heat. Though there is nothing mostly negative cause it’s his learning experience and the lessons he got from the mentors and colleagues, best friends, but do you think there’s a permission required to be taken from these hotels?? I mean he is speaking his truth.
Hotels are private entities, and mentioning their names in a positive context typically doesn’t require permission. However, using their trademarks or logos might. If your father is simply mentioning the names of the hotels where he worked and recounting his experiences without revealing sensitive or proprietary information, permissions are generally not required. Since your father’s memoir focuses on positive experiences, lessons, and personal growth, it is less likely to raise legal concerns. Negative or defamatory content could necessitate more caution.
Hi Kristen,
Thank you for the article. My dad is writing a memoir and he is a chef. He will be adding the lessons he learnt and reality of professional kitchen in this age. He not mentioning anyone in negative light, cause for him its a learning experience..mostly he talks about the mentors, small anecdotes. But he does mention these “5 star hotel chain” where he has worked. Do you suggest the names should not be revealed of these hotels… His story would not work without giving out details on his stints and place.
Also would love to get some tips on fair use as this area still seem a bit murky.
I am having a really hard time with this! I feel like the perpetrators in my life that I want to tell about will still have a sense of control over me. I got a royal problem with that! I want to finally tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God! If I have to change their names to me it is a lie. I have been told to “shut up”, all of my life. It is my time to tell my story. I am writing my memoir for those coming behind me. My children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren as a lesson for them that they do not have to go through what I went through with anyone. I want them to know that domestic violence, sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, the torture and trauma that my parents, ex- husbands put me through is wrong! And they do not have to let anyone bully them. My family would tell me to shut up about it. I had to look at my perpetrators all the time. Every holiday! I forgive, yes! But writing this book is my way of taking the responsibility off of my shoulders and putting on all those who have not shown any remorse, and have always made me like the “bad” one! I look at it as why should I be concerned for their “privacy” or their “reputation”, when they didn’t care about mine. That is kind of like they will always have control over me. That is wrong, and not covering for them anymore. Many people have violated me, and some have had tried to kill me, different times, and different people. I have gotten hatred back for my love. My life is an open book, and I am giving real names, and keeping it real. God is telling me to give my testimony of how I am still here and how he has helped me overcome many traumatic events. It is my time to tell my story! I have a voice! That is what I want my children and grandchildren, and every generation behind to realize, don’t let anyone silence them! I want them to have self-respect, and to brave. I am going to keep it real all the way. They can bring it on, sue me, whatever! I don’t think any of them will have the guts to do it, anyways! But just in case, Can’t I counter-sue? I know I will need to go to a lawyer and ask. Thank you so much! You are awesome! I read your articles, and all these comments. I admire how you are very knowledgeable in this, and I thank you!
Hi, when you tell us that “in a memoir, an author promises the reader that he or she will be forthright and honest in the events of their life. It’s all truth here,” but then tell us that we need to change enough of our story so that people do not recognise themselves as though we are still being truthful. Is using only the first name and not the last name of the people in the story who we have nothing more to do with enough to get around this?
Yeah, it’s a bit of a paradox, I admit. But the goal here is not to avoid the truth, but to avoid litigation — which, if you say negative things about someone in your book, they could have a case against you for libel/defamation. So the goal here is to tell the truth of your story, but protect yourself while doing so (by changing the names/details of the people you speak negatively about). Your book is meant to be a story about your experiences — not a way to publicly denounce the person who wronged you.
I was involved in an infamous documented crime that went through the courts. The perpetrator published a memoir including my name and photo, as well as crime photos, without ever asking me for permission. Because he was in another country afterward, I struggled to get clear legal advice and ultimately let it go. However, I have always wanted to tell the story from my perspective as a victim, and I wouldn’t want to be sued. The tricky part is, the important details of the story that make it what it is would make it easy enough to identify who I write about – what would you advise? Should I just change names and locations, but still use the actual details, even if those who know enough would know the exact crime? Is that enough to protect me? Thank you so much for any insight on this!
I have recently lost my adult daughter to a drug overdose, and have been struggling with it painfully. There is an unbelievable story of parental alienation on her mom’s part over the years, which makes everything even more painful even today.
While going for a fun I resolved to write about it all, and I found your 3 points very helpful. I will definitely have to change mom’s name, but I feel like I need to change our other surviving daughter’s name too, so as to keep mom from being identified by second degree. Do you agree?
I meant to say *run, not fun